03.15.06
Posted in faith at 4:35 pm by Brandon
This post is long, rambles quite a bit, and it’s exactly what’s been on my heart. You’ve been warned.
I was reading my friend Kate’s blog today. You know how we all sometimes read blogs, right? Even those blogs we really like to read, like for me reading Kate’s blog (it’s one of my favorites), we sometimes are oblivious to the context and purpose of each other’s writing.
But, today I really READ Kate’s blog. Particularly the part where she talks about her purpose for writing Evangelical Expatriate. I like the way she puts it:
Author Barbara Kingsolver writes that rather than buying into the “love it or leave it” approach to the groups with which we affiliate, a more honorable slogan is “love it and get it right, love it and never shut up.” This, I believe, is the function of evangelical expatriates. These expats have renounced their citizenship in evangelical subculture, but not their faith. They have ventured out into the wider world, but they remain interested, and often emotionally invested, in their culture of origin. They have become skeptical of how the church manifests its witness, but also dedicated to calling it back to its truest expressions. This blog is a repository for the commentaries and critiques of various evangelical expats.
Kate goes on to list some evangelical expatriates. I’m quite honored to be included.
Sometimes I find myself longing for the days where I wrote out of angst regarding a particularly irksome church I used to attend, or the time I would spend defending my the glorious freedom I have in Christ to say the “fuck-word”.
As I remember, a lot of my angst and vitriol in the early days of this blog was in response to some bad situations I encountered because of my involvement with particular expressions of the church. Somedays I feel tamer, quieter, more content now. Part of that change is probably brought on by the fact that we carefully chose, after a few months of absenteeism from church attendance, a church family whose vision more closely mirrors my our own priorities about kingdom service.
In a way, though, I sometimes see myself as an evangelical subculture member. And, I don’t much like it. It’s hard to feel like you’re living outside of the greater evangelical subculture of powerpoint driven church services, tacky devotional driven small groups, and ego driven pastors (I’m speaking in general here) when you’re a practising member of a Church that–to one degree or area or another–ascribes to some of those things.
Here’s the place I find myself: I desperately want to be a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, yet I desperately DON’T want to be a part of what I believe to be a sinful subculture that propogates greed, selfishness, and tolerance of injustice. It feels like the more I become a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, the more I am entrenched in the subculture. I find this to be an unfortunate position. On the one hand, I think that being an active member of a church is important, on the other, I think it increases the degree to which I’m engulfed by evangelical subculture.
Another thing that I find difficult knowing what my place is within a church. I mean, I love God and I love the Church, but seriously, is there any role for someone who really opposes the very subculture that the Church has, for the past 2000 or so years, been cultivating? I don’t need everybody to be like me, or think what I think, or do what I do, or even believe what I believe; I just want to know what kinds of roles an evangelical expat like me should plan on filling. I mean, would I do the least damage as a greeter, or maybe you could put me in charge of leaf raking, or something, you know, “non-essential.”
I see other women and men my age, they’re becoming deacons, fathers, mothers, cadet leaders, or other church leaders. But, not me. I’m a grad student. I live this fairy tale life between two cities, going to the bars with my “heathen” friends, cultivating communities in non-traditional environments, and just trying my darndest to love my wife and God and my kitties with all my heart. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking down any doors to earn the right to pass the plate on Sunday morning…I’m just saying I’m a little odd for the norm.
So, I’m wierd. Does it make me less spiritually mature? Maybe, I am. And, maybe I’m just a non-traditional Christian–not yet mature, but growing.
Fundamentally, it’s the worry that this feeling of “different” comes because I’m just not Godly enough. I don’t like to clap when we sing praise songs, I think sermons are boring and often have little point, I’m not an incredibly faithful ‘devotion-doer’. These things make me feel like I’m a bad Christian, like I need to just bend over and assimilate to the subculture.
When I look around and see everybody else loving church, sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I just don’t.
Maybe this is something every “non-traditional” Christian goes through. Maybe I’ll find a way to both be me and be a part of the Christian community. Maybe I’ll feel like my questions and thoughts aren’t such a bother to people. Maybe I’ll stop censoring those questions I have that might prove troubling to others. Maybe.
Am I spiritually immature? Am I unwilling to assimilate to my subculture of faith? Would it look any different if I was one or the other? How should someone who doesn’t affirm the subculture of evangelicalism approach the task of being an active member in the evangelical (or reformed–pick your poison) body of Christ?
And, maybe, this is all part of the struggle of what it means to be authentically honest about your Christian walk, I don’t know.
Anybody with any answers to any of these questions (or any other advice) is welcome to chime in. And, if you know any really wise men or women, you know, who live up on the proverbial mountain, I’d certainly appreciate it if you could send them my way. I could sure use some guidance to help me down the road of figuring out if and where I fit in.
Tags: Evangelical Subculture, Bad Christian, Christianity
Permalink
Trackback URL »
http://www.badchristian.com/2006/03/15/teetering-on-the-edge-of-the-subculture/trackback/
Posted in faith at 4:35 pm by Brandon
This post is long, rambles quite a bit, and it’s exactly what’s been on my heart. You’ve been warned.
I was reading my friend Kate’s blog today. You know how we all sometimes read blogs, right? Even those blogs we really like to read, like for me reading Kate’s blog (it’s one of my favorites), we sometimes are oblivious to the context and purpose of each other’s writing.
But, today I really READ Kate’s blog. Particularly the part where she talks about her purpose for writing Evangelical Expatriate. I like the way she puts it:
Author Barbara Kingsolver writes that rather than buying into the “love it or leave it” approach to the groups with which we affiliate, a more honorable slogan is “love it and get it right, love it and never shut up.” This, I believe, is the function of evangelical expatriates. These expats have renounced their citizenship in evangelical subculture, but not their faith. They have ventured out into the wider world, but they remain interested, and often emotionally invested, in their culture of origin. They have become skeptical of how the church manifests its witness, but also dedicated to calling it back to its truest expressions. This blog is a repository for the commentaries and critiques of various evangelical expats.
Kate goes on to list some evangelical expatriates. I’m quite honored to be included.
Sometimes I find myself longing for the days where I wrote out of angst regarding a particularly irksome church I used to attend, or the time I would spend defending my the glorious freedom I have in Christ to say the “fuck-word”.
As I remember, a lot of my angst and vitriol in the early days of this blog was in response to some bad situations I encountered because of my involvement with particular expressions of the church. Somedays I feel tamer, quieter, more content now. Part of that change is probably brought on by the fact that we carefully chose, after a few months of absenteeism from church attendance, a church family whose vision more closely mirrors my our own priorities about kingdom service.
In a way, though, I sometimes see myself as an evangelical subculture member. And, I don’t much like it. It’s hard to feel like you’re living outside of the greater evangelical subculture of powerpoint driven church services, tacky devotional driven small groups, and ego driven pastors (I’m speaking in general here) when you’re a practising member of a Church that–to one degree or area or another–ascribes to some of those things.
Here’s the place I find myself: I desperately want to be a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, yet I desperately DON’T want to be a part of what I believe to be a sinful subculture that propogates greed, selfishness, and tolerance of injustice. It feels like the more I become a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, the more I am entrenched in the subculture. I find this to be an unfortunate position. On the one hand, I think that being an active member of a church is important, on the other, I think it increases the degree to which I’m engulfed by evangelical subculture.
Another thing that I find difficult knowing what my place is within a church. I mean, I love God and I love the Church, but seriously, is there any role for someone who really opposes the very subculture that the Church has, for the past 2000 or so years, been cultivating? I don’t need everybody to be like me, or think what I think, or do what I do, or even believe what I believe; I just want to know what kinds of roles an evangelical expat like me should plan on filling. I mean, would I do the least damage as a greeter, or maybe you could put me in charge of leaf raking, or something, you know, “non-essential.”
I see other women and men my age, they’re becoming deacons, fathers, mothers, cadet leaders, or other church leaders. But, not me. I’m a grad student. I live this fairy tale life between two cities, going to the bars with my “heathen” friends, cultivating communities in non-traditional environments, and just trying my darndest to love my wife and God and my kitties with all my heart. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking down any doors to earn the right to pass the plate on Sunday morning…I’m just saying I’m a little odd for the norm.
So, I’m wierd. Does it make me less spiritually mature? Maybe, I am. And, maybe I’m just a non-traditional Christian–not yet mature, but growing.
Fundamentally, it’s the worry that this feeling of “different” comes because I’m just not Godly enough. I don’t like to clap when we sing praise songs, I think sermons are boring and often have little point, I’m not an incredibly faithful ‘devotion-doer’. These things make me feel like I’m a bad Christian, like I need to just bend over and assimilate to the subculture.
When I look around and see everybody else loving church, sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I just don’t.
Maybe this is something every “non-traditional” Christian goes through. Maybe I’ll find a way to both be me and be a part of the Christian community. Maybe I’ll feel like my questions and thoughts aren’t such a bother to people. Maybe I’ll stop censoring those questions I have that might prove troubling to others. Maybe.
Am I spiritually immature? Am I unwilling to assimilate to my subculture of faith? Would it look any different if I was one or the other? How should someone who doesn’t affirm the subculture of evangelicalism approach the task of being an active member in the evangelical (or reformed–pick your poison) body of Christ?
And, maybe, this is all part of the struggle of what it means to be authentically honest about your Christian walk, I don’t know.
Anybody with any answers to any of these questions (or any other advice) is welcome to chime in. And, if you know any really wise men or women, you know, who live up on the proverbial mountain, I’d certainly appreciate it if you could send them my way. I could sure use some guidance to help me down the road of figuring out if and where I fit in.
Tags: Evangelical Subculture, Bad Christian, Christianity
Permalink
Trackback URL »
http://www.badchristian.com/2006/03/15/teetering-on-the-edge-of-the-subculture/trackback/
Leighton said,
March 15, 2006 at 5:10 pm
When I was an undergrad taking a Buddhist Texts and Practices course, a Buddhist priest who had come to speak was asked a similar question by one of my classmates. His response was, “If I were to give you a piece of advice, it would be a sure sign that you should go out of your way not to follow it. You should take to heart instead the advice I didn’t give.”
It’s my experience that comparing myself to specific individual people is occasionally helpful (though not often), but comparing myself to “people” in general, no matter how narrow the category I’m looking in, is entirely useless. I can see facades as well as the next guy, but I don’t know how happy or well-adjusted or wise people really are under the surface. Whatever my shortcomings are, they’re issues between me and myself that can’t be resolved by appealing to some standard inferred from guesses about other people’s thoughts and feelings.
I’m not a Buddhist priest, so maybe there’s an off-chance that might be helpful, but I’m not counting on it.
Joe said,
March 15, 2006 at 5:45 pm
My friend Tom is a pretty smart guy and has a good understanding of how the American Church has, shall we say, missed the mark.
I’ve been reading a book about believing in the self and human progress through self-belief. It’s basically an anarchist’s manifesto, but it has some good points for digestion. Mostly stuff about being fair and equal with people simply for the sake of them being other people. There’s also some stuff about animal rights and what not but I don’t really buy into all of it.
The main point is to believe in ourselves as having the power within us to improve our lives and the lives of others. I have come to reconcile this with Christ, I think He wanted us to believe this about ourselves as well, but ultimately despair that at some point we must rely on God for strength in tough situations where being fair and equal is outside of our emotional or spiritual bounds. The authors are all atheist and I don’t think they realise how spot-on most of their beliefs are in respect to the teachings of Christ.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you only need to know that your part in the Church is as a child of God, and that He will give you daily guidance for how you can impact the lives of people around you. You just have to believe that you posess that ability, either naturally as a human being and fellow occupant of this earth and this life, or purely spirit-given. Take your pick, really, because I don’t think it matters where it comes from, as long as you’re utilizing it.
Aaron said,
March 15, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Wow. You just wordsmithed my zeitgeist, and that doesn’t happen very often.
Here’s the place I find myself: I desperately want to be a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, yet I desperately DON’T want to be a part of what I believe to be a sinful subculture that propogates greed, selfishness, and tolerance of injustice.
Ever do any reading on the Remnant? Regardless of your views on end-times stuff, the symbology of “coming out of the Harlot” (as in stop having sex with her - ‘fornication’) probably sums up your disgust with the spiritual harlotry in the church.
wildwest said,
March 15, 2006 at 5:51 pm
“Am I spiritually immature?”
Are you asking ME? I admit it’s a fair question, considering that there may be wise souls out there actually able to answer. But how would you know they’re telling you the truth? They may be. But how do you know? No one can know me better than I know myself. Carl Rogers said that (or something like it).
I know, it’s like the Fonz. He didn’t really want Richie’s advice. He just wanted to “hear” it.
Aaron said,
March 15, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you only need to know that your part in the Church is as a child of God, and that He will give you daily guidance for how you can impact the lives of people around you.
This blog impacted me enough to blogroll it! Thanks, and keep on doin’ what you’re doin’. Plenty of people share your experience.
Maria said,
March 15, 2006 at 6:40 pm
My eyes have been opened to a couple of things in recent weeks and months -
A lot of the american evangelical church subculture we see actually traces back only to just before the turn of the 20th century, and not actually back to the beginning of christianity. To not feel as though it best represents the best of the Community of Christ as you say is actually pretty historically accurate.
The second is that I can trust my desire (or lack thereof) and it’s possible that if some sort of spritual practice doesn’t make sense (i.e. daily personal devotions) try another one or try none. It seems to me that we are all created differently in every other way - I don’t think too many people would argue that - so it only follows that we’ll all relate to God in different ways too.
I might argue that you’re more spiritually mature than the people you’re watching become church leaders because you’re open to letting God be what he is and communicate the way he does instead of limiting God to working through well documented specific ways. I agree that the Church as it exists in most places today is screwed up and hopefully people like you who see that can work to infuse change into the culture/subculture - don’t give up!
(All this from a girl who left the CRC cause it didn’t make sense, went to that evil church Mars Hill and now is searching in a community of about 20 that’s viewed as a cult by some pretty uninformed people. AND - I to me this little community, though completely imperfect is the best picture of the Community of Christ I’ve experienced yet. But take what I have to say with a huge grain of salt.)
wildwest said,
March 15, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Maria,
I want to ask you about that evil church Mars Hill. Back when I was Christian Reformed the evil church was the Fountain Street Church of Duncan Littlefair. (He has passed on, and unfortunately his church has not moved forward with his ideals, which have been passed to the evil Christ Community Church in Spring Lake I am currently associating with). The last Christian Reformed Church I was a member of was the evil Church of the Servant (or, to quote from a Calvin College *Chimes* spoof of the day, Church of the Serpent). I’ve been wondering if Church of the Servant was a sort of prototype of the emergent church. Or perhaps I’m way off base. When I first heard of the “emergent” churches I assumed it was just another groovy name for a new kind of hep new everyone-welcome-family-right-wing-evangelical-wave-your-hands-in-the-air-mega-church, the latest descendant of the Keswick-Niagara evangelicalism of the late 19th century of which you speak. But now I hear right-wingers condemning it left and right, and that intrigues me.
I would welcome your feedback, but I wonder if I shouldn’t mosey on down to an entry on your blog and save this space for comments on Brandon’s soul-searching.
Joe said,
March 15, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Maria, I experience the same type of community in my group of 5-10 friends. We are definitely “different” at the Campus Crusade meetings =P
Joe said,
March 15, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Also, Brandon, now my blog officially sucks in IE
Recovering said,
March 16, 2006 at 8:31 am
I totally relate to your struggle to fit! Fortunately I have found a body of
believers that has reformed theology but doesn’t have many of the typical ways of “plugging in” (ie. we only meet on Sunday morning, no church bulletin per say, no programs outside of a loosely organized youth group, etc) We are encouraged to do exactly what you are doing now - invest in our families and our “neighbors” during the week.
What’s wrong with your position in the church being your community at the bar with your “heathen” friends? As a husband/father, student, and a person willing to engage culture where it’s happening, maybe that is all God is asking of you. Where in Scripture is more demanded? Maybe Sunday mornings for you are sharing about your relationships at the bar and getting equiped to keep that up. If you can’t share your experiences and relationships at the bar with your elders and friends at church, maybe you need to find a body of believers that is willing to support you in that (good luck with that).
I think it is awesome that you are learning how to be passionate about God and justice while at the same time engaging people like Jesus did - by touching the untouchables and communing with the “heathens” right where they are. That’s what I’m trying to learn how to do too. When I look at my spiritual life, I often think it’s hard to teach a spiritually emaciated and abused dog new tricks…thanks evangelicalism.
rick said,
March 16, 2006 at 10:27 am
The Episcopal Church Welcomes You.
So much of what you say resonates. I like what the Buddist priest in #1 suggested, follow your heart.
There is something deep in your soul that you need to listen to. The external voices seem to have run their course… praise bands & powerpoints no longer feed you.
I have learned that there are some folks who love God madly (yes, Jessus too) but have long walked away from their evangelcal roots.
You are definiely on a path and there are other brands of Christianity that exist in this world. I remember talking to my OT professor in seminary and I mentioned The Message and Eugene Peterson, he asked, “Who’s that?”
At first I was like, “I can’t believe that he, an OT prof, doesn’t know who Eugene Peterson is.” After a while I realized that my background was narrow and limited. Eugene is HUGE in the evangelcal church but not on the radar in many other parts. The evangelcal church is a subculture within the greater church. Philip Yancey is a hero in the evangelcal church and most of the people I know have never heard of him. I used to think something was wrong with them but have come to realize I was living in a very narrow and tightly defined sub-culture…. sorta like a Mormon in ways.
I am rambling and don’t know if I am making sense… Christianity is a big ocean and parts of us have only seen our little cove and we thnk that is it but the Holy Spirit is luring us out of our boats and encouraging us to explore the depths of our faith.
Graet post.
Rivikah said,
March 16, 2006 at 10:55 am
I have no useful advice, I’m just a lurker and I hardly know you but I do know the feeling of not fitting in - the feeling of not measuring up because I’m not the hand raising, devotion doing, sermon praising person that the church of my youth seemed to prefer.
But I can say this: The church needs you, Brandon. It needs you so that there is someone who can understand when people don’t feel like they fit in.
Joe said,
March 16, 2006 at 11:19 am
I posted a long ass rant for your comments and decided to move it to my blog. Feel free to read it if you’re interested.
Joe said,
March 16, 2006 at 11:37 am
I’ll permalink for future reference: http://theunclarity.com/index.php/unclarity/2006/03/16/lacking_joy_honesty_and_passion
kate said,
March 16, 2006 at 11:46 am
Thanks for the namecheck, Brandon.
I read a quote recently on another blog that really resonated with me. Ched Myers says, “Have one foot in the church and one outside. And keep your weight on the one outside.” I try not to live with a dichotomized secular/sacred, church/world approach, but there’s something about the “weight” feature of that quote that really appeals to me.
Maria said,
March 16, 2006 at 12:03 pm
wildwest -
I don’t know if I can speak too much to your questions - and I’ll do what I can. Mars Hill was viewed by my very CRC family (2 pastors and lots of Calvin grads including myself) as a very large group of people following one man who must be making being a Christian easy - otherwise no one would be going. All of this of course believed without ever stepping a foot inside the door (it’s in a mall after all). I’ve only been to Church of the Servant one time and my impression from that one time is that the core belief system is the same as any other CRC church - they’re just willing to express it with more than the organ and the grey hymnal. I don’t actually see CoS as part of the emergent church in any way.
On the “emergent” church - I’m not extremely familiar with what really it is -and - I think that’s actually part of the emergent church, it thrives on being undefined. From my experience, the big beef people from conservative backgrounds have with the emergent church is it’s desires to be a part of our culture instead of separate. And it’s posture of questioning instead of choosing a theology and “sticking to it.”
All of this is observation more than anything - have you observed the same, different? I’d love to continue this conversation…and I agree this is perhaps not the forum. Please feel free to stop by my blog or email mdgort@gmail.com.
And Brandon - I echo Recovering’s encouragement to find a community that is willing to engage with you at church and the bar. I’ve found it extremely helpful! I really think your intuition is right - best of luck.
Adam said,
March 16, 2006 at 3:28 pm
The Episcopal Church welcomes you, indeed.
I understand that because of your upbringing you feel you need to be involved in a Reformed/Calvinist tradition, and it certainly ain’t that, but a large number of us “evangelical expats” are finding a home there. Hell, I’m going to be drinking green beer in the parish hall with my brothers and sisters tomorrow night. How cool is that?
Seriously though, there is a long history behind Episcopalian thelogy and worship. Say what you want about the shady dealings that prompted the foundation of the Anglican church, there’s a genius that’s been at work in the church’s development ever since (until recently anyway, but that’s a whole ‘nother rant)…
Anyway, my time in this wonderful tradition has me seriously considering changing my designation from “expat” to just plain “ex”.
May the peace of the Lord be always with you, Brandon, wherever you end up.
steph said,
March 16, 2006 at 3:59 pm
i really appreciated this post, brandon. you just vocalized exactly what i’ve been dealing with lately.
i think something this revolutionary and dramatic is exactly what the church needs in order to bring about change. the church needs people who question the process. honestly, i think god is even fed up with the status quo and the not-quite-biblical worship songs and the eisegesis and misinterpretation of scripture and the injustice and… you get my point.
i grew up in an extremely fundie church where your faith was doubted if you questioned the sermon or the preacher… or anything. i don’t know if you’ve seen “the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy”, but it’s like that world where a creature slaps you in the face if you have an original thought. i think a church setting should be the safest place in the world to question what you believe. that’s what fellow believers should be for. iron sharpens iron, right? that’s how we mature.
i’ve been “saved” since i was a child and i feel like a fucking new christian. a blank slate. it’s a great feeling, but my world has been completely shaken, and actually torn down, and i don’t feel comfortable going to my christian friends and telling them about it. i don’t want platitudes and scriptures.
i read your blog because it’s real. i feel like i’m in a community of believers who are struggling with the same types of things i struggle with - and who will not judge me for struggling.
anyway, i guess i’ve rambled on long enough. i don’t usually comment, so it’s ok this one time, right?
thanks again,
steph
Brandon said,
March 16, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Well, as usual, I’m humbled and incredibly thankful for each of your thoughtful replies. A few thoughts sprang to mind whilst reading each of your comments, here’s what I’m thinking:
Steph: Thank you for your honesty, too. You can ramble here anytime…preferably more frequently!
Adam and Rick: I’m honestly thrilled that you both have found such a home in the Episcopal Church. In so many ways, I’m jealous of what you have. What I hear both of you saying is that you, too, have struggled my struggle and have now found a home community where YOU can be YOURSELVES. I hope that I am as successful of a rolemaker for myself as you were for yourselves.
Kate: I really find the whole one foot out, one foot in thing pretty interesting. I may have to keep thinking and do some writing about that later.
Leighton: As usual you’re a genius. Your “lack of advice” was dead on, I think.
And everybody else, who resonated and responded here: Thanks.
wildwest said,
March 16, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Did I mention Christ Community welcomes you, too?
www.christ-community.net
shelly said,
March 16, 2006 at 11:51 pm
I used to love church. Nowadays, though, I think I’m more in love with the idea of it: the idea of those of like faith coming together (not necessarily in a conventional church setting).
Fundamentally, it’s the worry that this feeling of “different” comes because I’m just not Godly enough. I don’t like to clap when we sing praise songs, I think sermons are boring and often have little point, I’m not an incredibly faithful ‘devotion-doer’. These things make me feel like I’m a bad Christian, like I need to just bend over and assimilate to the subculture.
If I’m not involved in the worship service (I’m part of my church’s worship team…I play piano and sing), I usually find myself sitting down partway through. Sometimes I don’t even sing when I’m “sitting out”; I’ll just hum. I don’t shut my eyes; I don’t lift my hands. That’s just not me. When I am up there, I do sing (again, I don’t shut my eyes).
I barely remember specifics of any of the sermons I’ve heard in the last while (though I can give you a general “background” for most of them–urging the church to aim for revival and to strive to walk in signs and wonders); and, like you, I sometimes wonder if there’s any point to them. I don’t do devotions, either.
So I definitely hear ya on some of these.
rachel said,
March 17, 2006 at 12:26 am
i’m right there with you.
i love my school - graduate theological union - because i see so many people here who are seeking exactly that. people who are really looking for ways to be love, hope and peace in the world and as a church… i have been blessed with so many communities who did show me what i believe is the real community of christ… from a tiny storefront church of mennonites, episcopalians and lutherans actually called community of christ in d.c., to the famed CoS in g.r. including my dear friend don wilson, to a vibrant international english speaking lutheran church in geneva, switzerland and to my new place here at gtu… and all the students of the many schools here at gtu who i see really seeking to build communities like what you and i are seeking. so all i’m saying is don’t give up hope… people like kate’s husband and the people i know here are going to seminary and hoping to build that church community. i also encourage you to think about the global church… the u.s. examples can be disheartening at times, but some of the most inspiration in real community of christ i have seen is outside of our ridiculous borders. and we are all part of the true community of christ.
Dan Lewis said,
March 17, 2006 at 4:17 am
The way I usually think about it is this:
I have felt very uncomfortable with wholehearted commitment to one set of doctrines or denominations. I became a Christian in college and was basically a fundamentalist at first, but even then I was holding a lot back, and the freedom to doubt. Since then I’ve only become more convinced that humility is the most appropriate response to questions that divide Christians.
Sometimes I wonder if there is a point of no return that I resist. I’m a Christian because I believe Christ came back from the dead and he was God, my God, but I find myself riddled with doubts. I’m open to not being a Christian if I’m ever properly convinced (7 years on, still hasn’t happened). I wonder if something could break in me, or change in me, where I wouldn’t be open to giving up my Christianity any more. Then, I think, I would be wholeheartedly committed. Would that be better or worse?
Then I ask myself if my abeyance in matters of belief amounts to under-commitment in my Christian life, my personal relationship with God. Sometimes in prayer I feel like I’m speaking to a person, in the room; sometimes it’s like calling into the silent, dark void; sometimes my words echo off the walls. I struggle with the same old sins. And I wonder if, or when, something within me is supposed to break and change me irrevocably, or if I am stuck in this half-life. I wonder if it fails Jesus to have the half-life. “You are neither hot nor cold…”
I remind myself of that passage in the Screwtape Letters, though. The devil tells his apprentice, Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
Some of my friends might look at me sideways if they knew I felt this way (finally coming around to the original post). I don’t hate church, but I feel detached from it at times. I feel guilty about it all, and I feel like there is some gulf between me and these people who have figured something out. I feel like I think things they never would.
But you know, I don’t think this makes me spiritually immature or a bad Christian. In my lucid moments, I remember “now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known,” and “Now the body is not made up of one part but of many.” These are invitations to be bad, to mis-fit and yet to fit.
That won’t stop me from being a coward, though.
Michael said,
March 18, 2006 at 3:04 pm
I too have a difficult time reconciling the fact that I believe the concept and outworking of a Christian subculture are often wrong, ingrown, and not in accordance with holy scriptures with the fact that I desire, need, and am commanded to be a part of the community of Christ. I was reading through some of your past blogs, and I remember reading in one of them that sometimes it is not simply what we are doing that makes the action right or wrong, but rather whether or not it is being done for the sake of Christ. I don’t think that simply being in the community of Christ makes me automatically in the subculture; it is what my perspective on what the purpose of the church is, and how I live that out. If we are to take every thought captive to the mind of Christ, then, of course, being in the church ought not to be any different. These are merely some thoughts that came to me as I read through your blog; I hope that they might be at least mildly helpful. Out of curiosity, I did have another question. You had mentioned in a previous blog that you believed that the “holy scriptures are the best tool for measured intolerance.” What do you think is the role of scripture as a foundation or basis to our thinking, especially coming from a postmodern perspective?
Dan Lewis said,
March 19, 2006 at 1:17 am
I am interested in your question, Michael, so I’ll butt in if I may. “What do you think is the role of scripture as a foundation or basis to our thinking, especially coming from a postmodern perspective?”
Inerrancy (roughly, the belief that the Bible contains no false statements) may be tenable, but it is a bit distracting. Dialogue with non-Christians unfairly reduces to caricatures of Ned Flanders’ plaintive wail, “I’ve done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!” and unproductive Christian responses that sound like wriggling on the hook even when they’re just about plausible deniability.
Billy Graham preferred to talk about the Bible as the infallible product of fallible people, in the sense that it may have facial paradoxes, apparent contradictions, or even errors, but the essential message of the New Testament is preserved faithfully and truthfully. The idea is to get beyond this or that error to God’s love letter to humanity.
For instance, how do we harmonize the Gospel narratives of the Passion Week? Before you answer, are we supposed to spend our time in dialogue with non-Christians reconciling these narratives, or should we change our focus to God’s reconciliation through Christ, whatever narrative tack we take to the essential fact of his crucifixion, resurrection, and redemption? I’m not trying to denigrate apologetics; I just speak from long fruitless experience, wasted time where my friends poked around just such nitpicks of Christianity (of the “who was Cain’s wife?” and “what about dinosaurs?” variety) and I tried to meet them there. …
Here the manuscript breaks off. I figured the mini-essay I ended up writing was too long for a comment on a blog not my own. So I continued talking in this vein in a continuation post on my own blog. I called the post “The Bible for Dummies” but I don’t mean insult to anyone; I was just mesmerized by the image of a black and yellow manual for no particular reason.
Daniel said,
March 21, 2006 at 9:42 am
Hello,
I am a first time reader and commenter to this site.
I know I am a week late to respond. I think you bring a really interesting point. This fact of a subculture society inside of Christianity is evident in ever church community. From the Apostolic belief of baptism in Jesus’ name, to the opposite trinitarian baptism belief held by many COGIC, Holiness, and Baptist followers.
I think if our focus was more on being a true believer and follower of Christ, the subculture displacement that we tend to feel would be pointless. I do believe that we ALL have a duty and a position to serve those who find themselves lost to this world system. King David’s ernest wish was to only be a door keeper in the house of the Lord. He understood the importance of serving the people of God. He did not use this world system to classify the importance of service. Being an usher cannot be equated to an entry level or temp position in the work force. It is ALL important.
Our focus, our mission is that we are here on this earth to spread the TRUE gospel of Jesus Christ. It is not try and “fit in” to a system. Many people who are “seeking” these titles are merly trying to fill a void in their lives. It is pointless to build your self-esteem with a position in the church. Church should not be a place where you implement your personal platforms and agenda. If that is your only purpose in church, then you would do better seeking an office in your local city council. We have been run by politics for too long in the Christian community. The reason why we have differnt sects of Christianity is because people did not agree with the POLITICS of the Catholic church, yet we’ve run away to run back to those same practices.
Continue to love the Lord, your wife, and your kitties. If you can honestly and ernestly say that your life is that of a true follower and believer of Jesus Christ. If you can sleep at night knowing that you’ve served, not just a church system, but the total body of Christ. If you know that you are on the path of rightousness, then by all means continue to live your life. Subcultures, sects, earthly based beliefs and world-based systems ( even those which have found their way into the church…) will ALL fade. Your soul, and the souls of millions and billions of people are eternal. Where will it rest in the end?
Peace and Blessings!
yeahright said,
April 6, 2006 at 10:29 pm
Fuck shit piss — ok, I just fulfilled your greatest desire — to throw off the “shackles” of 2000 years of Xristianity — yes, you can cuss, and still get to heaven; is that all this emergent shit is about?
ariel0180231 said,
October 9, 2006 at 1:34 pm
It is very interesting to listen to all of the viewpoints here. I am new to the whole “evenagelical expatriate” thing, so I really have no idea what it means. I can assume, but I would like to know the roots and who gave you the label. I thought we were Christians. I share a lot of the views expressed here, and seek to enlighten people as to their place in the “Body of Christ”. I was actually doing some online research about spritual gifts and stumbled upon this blog. All I could come up with in my search originally was the traditional 6 fold ministry gifts. So, I did a search for non-traditional gifts and got this link. What is on my heart is that everyone who loves Christ and has dedicated their life to Him, living according to His teaching and seeking His return, has a place. We are not all going to be teachers, preachers, evangelists, etc.! God is a personal God, and has gifted us each uniquley. Some are given to be trashmen and some lawyers. That is what ,akes the world go around and impacts the most people! I want to learn how to get that message out and how to equip people to be THEMSELVES! As for the cussing and stuff, and the freedom to do and say whatever you feel, I would say consult the Word and pray about it. I am pretty sure you will get an answer. You just have to be ready to accept whatever God says. I would love to hear more, and I will be reading the blogs!
UR4given said,
October 12, 2006 at 11:01 am
Am glad Ariel refreshed this thread as I missed it beng a recent participant on these fine topics.
I personally like the tag “expat evangelical”…and while it would seem to me I have been one almost 30 years now having spent the first 20+ feeling like I had to save the world because thats what my family and Grandfather pastor had instilled in me…I always feel uncomfortable with such tags or “boxes” as I call them. The minute you find yourself in one, you then discover something to reshape the descriptions, and next time you look in the mirror or talk to a long time friend, it all the sudden is confusing again.
While I relate to the illustration of one foot in and one out of the church…I think it is more about the MIND. The SELF even. Life consists of a long battle of reasoning and pursuit of truth…well, if we choose to enter the battle. Some of us take the easy way out toward fundamentalism and absolute faith without questioning. Next thing you know, evangelicals will be wearing body bombs and sneaking into mosques.
If to be Christian means following the teachings of Christ, and that relationship is truly a one on one faith based affair, then what goes on in the “body” of Christ is not that important at least as to our understanding. Just be yourself and according to YOUR faith…then you will be performing the WILL of God. No big mysteries…inside secrets…just living learning and loving your way to eternity. Seems pretty simple to me now…more so than it was in my teens.
One final point…people are people whether they are in a church, work or bar setting. Sure, in each place you see some things you dont like and make you feel “unclean”. Some people are intoxicated by alcohol while others in the church are so intoxicated with “Jesus” that they are no earthly good. So I just say…wherever you go, there YOU are. God has put you there for a reason in the vast cosmos of things…and you can either feel comfortable with it…or guilty about it. This is where power of free will comes in on another level…