03.31.06
Posted in faith, culture at 9:07 am by Brandon
I’m not sure which concerns me more:
The idea of calling God “she” publicly because it might confer less holiness on God.
OR
That I refer to God as a “he” because I’m afraid of the negative reactions I’ll get from people if I do otherwise.
OR
The fact that, even after lots of study about the topic of gender and derogation, I still remain enough of an idiot to believe that holiness, purity, omnipotence, etc. is somehow associated with masculinity. And when it comes down to it, I don’t have the uterus to buck the system.
Perhaps having the uterus to buck the system in real life is what we bloggers tend to share in common. We’d love to do those things we write about, but all too often, we write because we don’t have the courage to “do.” And, maybe deep down, we write because we hope that in writing we can give others the courage to do what we can’t–or won’t–do.
Of course, none of these good intentions really excuse us from the fact that we’re dodging an inevitable bullet. Someday, I’ll be forced to do either the right thing–like standing up for the position of women in the naming of God, for example–or the wrong thing, and until then, I’ll be praying like mad that I’ve got the uterus to do what’s right.
Tags: Confession, Gender and God, Blogging
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03.29.06
Posted in politics, culture at 4:57 pm by Brandon
Believe it or not, it wasn’t the latest Worldview Weekend article that really got me thinking about immigration. I was thinking about it for a while before I even received notice that the nation’s greatest legal minds (ala Worldview Weekend) had thrown together a common sensical guide to the immigration problem.
Thank God for them.
Anyway, I’m going to take a relatively novel position on this whole immigration issue. Normally, I’m somewhat liberal, but I’ve just got to say, this immigration thing is just out of control. We need to do something, and do something soon.
That’s right, friends. I support becoming a vigilante in order to wipe out illegal immigration all together. First off, it’s the Mexicans. They come up here and they put a drain on our healthcare system, they raise our car insurance rates, and worst of all they refuse to assimilate into our holy culture…damn them. Those bastards don’t even take the time to learn our national language: English! It’s so bad that we’ve got to print anti-theft signs in English AND Spanish. If only they’d stay in their own damn country and enjoy the jobs we’ve outsourced to them. They’re so fucking greedy.
But even worse than the Mexicans, it’s the Salvadorians and the Hondurans. I mean, same sorts of problems follow them up across the border, but hell, they don’t even take good tequilla up with them.
And, while our Southern border is bad, it’s nowhere near the travesty we’ve got going on by our northern border. Those Canadians, holy hell, have they become a problem. They’re spreading their gospel of cigarettes, Tim Horton’s, potty mouthery, and curling all over our fair land. There’s just gobs of them; they’re practically stampeding over the border. Our amber waves of grain are being overtaken by Canucks. And, you should see my back yard, it’s damn near full of maple leaves.
And, their beer. Oh, their beer. Whatever happened to the good ole’ days when the Bud girls and talking frogs inhabited our television commercials. Now, we have the Labatt talking bear? Canadians and their God forsaken barley-water are overtaking our most sacred shrine to beer consumption: Budweiser.
But, if we’re really getting serious about this illegal immigration crackdown, I think we’ve got to get retroactive. Take for example Japanese Americans. I’ve never trusted them, with their raw fish and rice wine. Freaks, they are. Furthermore, what about African Americans. I mean, yeah, we brought them over largely against their will, but they’ve kind of quit serving us of late. They’re just more welfare dollars and headaches. If’n they’re not much good to us anymore we may as well deport them.
In fact, poor people must share some genetically shared trait for laziness. (Let’s just be honest, everybody could be rich if they wanted to be, if you’re not, you must be lazy.) I say, we just off all the poor people too, there’s no way they’re REAL Americans. (Also, it seems most civil just to put the poor out of their genetically predestined misery. We should probably just shoot them–thank God for the good ole’ second amendment!)
I’d go so far as to say only the native Americans (you know, George Washington, Christopher Columbus, and Rush Limbaugh and their children and children’s children) should be allowed to stay in the US. Everyone else should be deported, or shot–whichever is most convenient.
But why stop there.
Perhaps, we could restrict access to the US altogether to only allow rich white men residency. Of course we would have to allow some female prostitutes, because, after all, boys will be boys.
And all will be happy, and free, and homogenous, and Christian.
Thank God Almighty I’m a native American.
Tags: Immigration Reform
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03.25.06
Posted in culture at 10:09 pm by Brandon
If you live around the Grand Rapids area, like I do, it only takes a passing glance at the local news to realize that we live in a town where not much happens. Most of the time, I’m okay with that. I’d rather have the news occupied with stories about school millage elections than local murders. However, while I’m entirely happy to live in a relatively sleepy little town, I must admit that the local news can be a bit maddening.
Lately, there’s been a bit of a “to-do” in the local press about a (drumroll please) mystery development in the downtown area. A few weeks ago intrepid reporter Suzanne Geha decided she needed a story so she decided to sensationalize one. It turns out that there is a developer buying up some Grand Rapids riverfront property. So, a few weeks ago, our roving investigator Suzanne decided she’d do a little journalism.
Suzi tracked down a real estate representative handling the purchasing of the downtown property, and what did she find out? Nothing much.
Now for a normal journalist, this could’ve been a dead end, but not for Suzanne Geha. Oh no, Suzanne pressed on. She found out that by sensationalizing the story, 24 hour News 8 may actually be jeopardizing the development project by sharply driving up the property values. This project that may be bringing in the neighborhood of 10,000 permanent jobs to the community. Some reporters with weaker stomachs might have cared, but not Suzanne.
Suzanne has now been covering this story, recording sound bites advertizing a “MYSTERY DEVELOPMENT!!!!”, for the past month now. After a number of newscasts, each one revealing that we know very little about the aforementioned mystery development, we know just about as much about as much as we knew before we started watching. I admit, this little news scoop hasn’t kept me transfixed.
But, watching this little news drama play out, I realized something: The local news sucks the shit straight out of my ass. More than just being frustrated with this particular story, though, I suppose I’m infuriated that the complete absence of a story such as this one is judged more important by a news agency than, you know, people dying from genocide or any other manner of inconsequential things.
The fact that this “mystery development” gets top billing locally, while issues like the fact that Grand Rapids is one of the top 5 most racially segregated cities in the country go largely unknown at large is a travesty. The local news does a disgusting disservice to the community by sensationalizing completely unsensational events while ignoring really important news.
And so, this plea goes out to the news desk at WOOD TV 8: Please stop. Please, please stop reporting on this pseudo-news story. Nobody cares about whether or not some unknown developer is buying up land in Grand Rapids. Get a clue about what exactly “news” actually is, and start reporting on that. I’d suggest a story about disproportionate infant mortality rates for African Americans in West Michigan…and this time, try reporting on more than just the fact that the infant mortality rates between whites and blacks aren’t equal.
People don’t need to hear about some stupid development, in fact, I’d go so far as to say that nobody really cares. If you want to report on exciting news, go about it the old fashioned way and wait until things actually happen, THEN report it. It’s a novel concept, I know, but I think it just might work.
Tags: Suzanne Geha, Mystery Development
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03.23.06
Posted in blogvention, life at 2:27 pm by Brandon
It seems as if there’s a noticeable pause around the blogosphere. Here’s what I mean:
- Micah and Kristen are busy with such inconsequential things as raising their firstborn.
- Zalm is off planting churches or some manner of craziness.
- Steve has been moving into a new house.
- Ninjanun is, of course, trying to quit the internet.
- Meg continues to ponder one “god damned bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.”
- Dorsey is busy
trying to win losing an ebay auction for a holy corn chip.
- Steve’s busy working on a dissertation.
And me, I’m doing my damndest not to flunk out of grad school. So far this semester, I’ve proven marginally successful.
I also haven’t forgotten that in about one month blogvention will be upon us. I’m hoping some of you will come. In a few days I’m going to try to get out an official invitation on the ole’ blog, something with a more official RSVP option. (I know some of you have given me a wishy washy sort of “yeah, I might be coming” but now I’m going to have to start getting a more official headcount of how many blogventioneers we’ll be having. Like I said, keep an eye out for my blogvention invitations which will be forthcoming.
Tags: Busyness, Blogvention
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03.22.06
Posted in fun at 9:21 am by Brandon
This was pretty good.
Tags: Ebay Items
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03.16.06
Posted in life at 6:50 pm by Brandon
Well, after yesterday’s self-revelation, and in good form with my desire to teach at the college level, I’ve prepared a little pop quiz for y’all. After all, it’s only fair if I bear my soul that I should be able to test you on how well you all know me afterward, right?
So, how well do you know Brandon?
And, no fair searching this blog for answers to any of the questions.
On a side note, I love all these little quizzes the internets has to offer–they’re so incredibly addictive.
Oh, and a hat tip to Ninjanun for this quiz idea.
Addendum: I think it’s only fair to note that you’d have to have been reading here for an almost awkward amount of time in order to score well on this quiz, so I’m not offended if you don’t do well. And, in fact, even if you read ALL of my posts since the inception of this blog VERY closely, you’d still only find answers to about 6 or 7 of those ten questions. In fact, I’d speculate that there’s no one on the planet that could answer all of those questions correctly (by knowlege rather than by chance) other than me–not even my wife.
Tags: Stupid Egomaniacal Quizzes
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03.15.06
Posted in faith at 4:35 pm by Brandon
This post is long, rambles quite a bit, and it’s exactly what’s been on my heart. You’ve been warned.
I was reading my friend Kate’s blog today. You know how we all sometimes read blogs, right? Even those blogs we really like to read, like for me reading Kate’s blog (it’s one of my favorites), we sometimes are oblivious to the context and purpose of each other’s writing.
But, today I really READ Kate’s blog. Particularly the part where she talks about her purpose for writing Evangelical Expatriate. I like the way she puts it:
Author Barbara Kingsolver writes that rather than buying into the “love it or leave it” approach to the groups with which we affiliate, a more honorable slogan is “love it and get it right, love it and never shut up.” This, I believe, is the function of evangelical expatriates. These expats have renounced their citizenship in evangelical subculture, but not their faith. They have ventured out into the wider world, but they remain interested, and often emotionally invested, in their culture of origin. They have become skeptical of how the church manifests its witness, but also dedicated to calling it back to its truest expressions. This blog is a repository for the commentaries and critiques of various evangelical expats.
Kate goes on to list some evangelical expatriates. I’m quite honored to be included.
Sometimes I find myself longing for the days where I wrote out of angst regarding a particularly irksome church I used to attend, or the time I would spend defending my the glorious freedom I have in Christ to say the “fuck-word”.
As I remember, a lot of my angst and vitriol in the early days of this blog was in response to some bad situations I encountered because of my involvement with particular expressions of the church. Somedays I feel tamer, quieter, more content now. Part of that change is probably brought on by the fact that we carefully chose, after a few months of absenteeism from church attendance, a church family whose vision more closely mirrors my our own priorities about kingdom service.
In a way, though, I sometimes see myself as an evangelical subculture member. And, I don’t much like it. It’s hard to feel like you’re living outside of the greater evangelical subculture of powerpoint driven church services, tacky devotional driven small groups, and ego driven pastors (I’m speaking in general here) when you’re a practising member of a Church that–to one degree or area or another–ascribes to some of those things.
Here’s the place I find myself: I desperately want to be a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, yet I desperately DON’T want to be a part of what I believe to be a sinful subculture that propogates greed, selfishness, and tolerance of injustice. It feels like the more I become a part of the COMMUNITY of Christ, the more I am entrenched in the subculture. I find this to be an unfortunate position. On the one hand, I think that being an active member of a church is important, on the other, I think it increases the degree to which I’m engulfed by evangelical subculture.
Another thing that I find difficult knowing what my place is within a church. I mean, I love God and I love the Church, but seriously, is there any role for someone who really opposes the very subculture that the Church has, for the past 2000 or so years, been cultivating? I don’t need everybody to be like me, or think what I think, or do what I do, or even believe what I believe; I just want to know what kinds of roles an evangelical expat like me should plan on filling. I mean, would I do the least damage as a greeter, or maybe you could put me in charge of leaf raking, or something, you know, “non-essential.”
I see other women and men my age, they’re becoming deacons, fathers, mothers, cadet leaders, or other church leaders. But, not me. I’m a grad student. I live this fairy tale life between two cities, going to the bars with my “heathen” friends, cultivating communities in non-traditional environments, and just trying my darndest to love my wife and God and my kitties with all my heart. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking down any doors to earn the right to pass the plate on Sunday morning…I’m just saying I’m a little odd for the norm.
So, I’m wierd. Does it make me less spiritually mature? Maybe, I am. And, maybe I’m just a non-traditional Christian–not yet mature, but growing.
Fundamentally, it’s the worry that this feeling of “different” comes because I’m just not Godly enough. I don’t like to clap when we sing praise songs, I think sermons are boring and often have little point, I’m not an incredibly faithful ‘devotion-doer’. These things make me feel like I’m a bad Christian, like I need to just bend over and assimilate to the subculture.
When I look around and see everybody else loving church, sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I just don’t.
Maybe this is something every “non-traditional” Christian goes through. Maybe I’ll find a way to both be me and be a part of the Christian community. Maybe I’ll feel like my questions and thoughts aren’t such a bother to people. Maybe I’ll stop censoring those questions I have that might prove troubling to others. Maybe.
Am I spiritually immature? Am I unwilling to assimilate to my subculture of faith? Would it look any different if I was one or the other? How should someone who doesn’t affirm the subculture of evangelicalism approach the task of being an active member in the evangelical (or reformed–pick your poison) body of Christ?
And, maybe, this is all part of the struggle of what it means to be authentically honest about your Christian walk, I don’t know.
Anybody with any answers to any of these questions (or any other advice) is welcome to chime in. And, if you know any really wise men or women, you know, who live up on the proverbial mountain, I’d certainly appreciate it if you could send them my way. I could sure use some guidance to help me down the road of figuring out if and where I fit in.
Tags: Evangelical Subculture, Bad Christian, Christianity
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03.14.06
Posted in faith at 10:00 am by Brandon
One of our favorites, Brannon Howse–web-writer extrordinare and all around fun guy,–has another winner up over at the Christian Worldview Network. Howse gave an interesting treatment of why those that preach tolerance are truly intolerant of the intolerant, thus they’re hypocrites. Technically, he’s right, I think. Here’s an excerpt, even if a little confusing:
If you’ve read some of my articles before, you know how much I enjoy pointing out the intolerance of people who scream the loudest about how important it is to be tolerant. And it’s almost amusing that those who yammer about not judging others are the most judgmental of your judgments.
In this piece Howse lays out a defense of intolerance. I’m willing to say that his logic is good…at least for this part of his argument.
Where I get a little fuzzy, though, is where Howse berates a group of “tolerance mongers” for in fact being intolerant. I’m confused, I suppose, because Howse first lays out an air tight defense of intolerance and then goes on to berate one particular group for their intolerance! Here’s another excerpt:
Citations from the PCM18 Police rolled in like a tsunami. But did they e-mail to privately chastise me for my “unbiblical” conduct of writing and speaking out against the false teachings of Joel Osteen, the Emerging Church, or the liberal activism and unchristian funding of the group of 85? No, of course not—even though that is exactly what they were writing to tell me I should have done. (You’ll recognize that the hallmark of any tolerance monger is that they want you to do what they would never do themselves.)
Howse wants to eat his cake and have it too, it seems. The only intolerance that is acceptable is HIS intolerance, as if he somehow sets the supreme standard of what is good and right. It’s cool to be intolerant of people who oppose global warming–because they’re liberal, after all. And, it’s cool to be intolerant of Joel Osteen’s happy talk, or the Emerging Church. But, good Lordy look out if you get intolerant of Brannon Howse.
Let’s be honest with ourselves, we’re all intolerant of things. The question though, I think, isn’t what you are or are not intolerant of, but rather what the standard is that you make your judgements about tolerance. Me, although I’m far from perfect and have my biases as well, I like to think that the holy scriptures are the best tool for MEASURED intolerance.
Brannon Howse seems to think that the defining characteristic of what we should be intolerant of is any position on any issue that’s not on the far right of the political spectrum.
My friends, I’m not perfect–far from it,–but please let’s see this as what it should be seen as: Heresy, purely and simply. Christians who judge issues, such as global warming or climate change (as Howse has done), based on their position left of center rather than as a kingdom imperative, twist scripture and are dead wrong. Calling such a position “Christian” is nothing short of heretical.
Tags: Brannon Howse, Tolerance, Heresy
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03.07.06
Posted in politics, philosophy at 1:18 pm by Brandon
So, it would seem that not everyone agrees with my last post. Jacke, it seems, takes issue with my treatment of free speech, patriotism, and moving to China. Here’s an excerpt:
I don’t know, is it just me or does it seem like Brandon, in his attempt to accept freedom of speech and revel in the free exchange of opinion, is also attempting to demonize someone for exercizing his or her own freedom of speech by suggesting that he move to China!? Brandon wants to be able to say whatever he wants (again) but doesn’t seem to appreciate others saying what they want in return. Brandon doesn’t want it to be suggested he is less than patriotic because he doesn’t approve of every single thing that goes on in America (as if that would ever happen) but when someone suggests he move, he, in turn, accuses the person of trying to create a totalitarian regime!? Oh, my!
Honestly, I’m really only posting this here so that someone with “Jacke-translating-ability” can help me out with what the hell she’s trying to argue.
As far as I can ascertain the argument goes like this:
Brandon’s a hypocrite because…
- On the one hand he wants free speech.
- On the other hand, he doesn’t want to let conservatives have free speech.
- He displays this by berating a person’s argument who told him to move the fuck to China.
- He should just let people say whatever they like, because that’s what freedom of speech is about.
I think I was pretty clear about my thoughts regarding my reasoning about the moving out of the country thing. It seems that most people here got it, but I could be wrong.
I defend, under the first amendment, your right to tell me to move to China (or take a jump of the empire state building, or whatever else). However, that doesn’t automatically mean that the second I take you to task about your comments that I only want first amendment protection for me. It just means I think you’re fucking wrong, and that you’re an ungrateful, ignorant prick.
I defend anyone’s (including my own) right to be an ungrateful, ignorant asshole, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like you. And, it certainly doesn’t mean that I can’t call you out, especially when I think that you’re doing a gigantic disservice to our women and men in uniform.
I wonder what it is about some conservatives that makes them think they’ve got a corner on patriotism. It’s like pointing out their hypocrisy is going for the jugular, but when the tables are turned and it’s a liberal who you’re telling that they’re not quite what the US has in mind when it thinks of the term “citizen”, well, that’s just par for the course.
Tags: Freedom Of Speech, Patriotism, Liberalism
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03.06.06
Posted in politics, philosophy at 12:52 pm by Brandon
It’s been recently suggested that I should move to China. I suppose that’s because I’m critical of the US from time to time. I do find it a little ironic that the reasons that are suggested for my move to a communist nation are that I don’t much like the fact that the US government has, of late, made a number of choices that I find to be foolish. Those choices, and my feelings about those choices, aside, I do feel that the US is a pretty darn great place to live.
I love the idea of freedom. In this country, I’m free to believe whatever I want to believe. If I decide that I should worship a bouncing superball, nobody is going to have a problem with that. In fact, if I market the whole superball worshipping religion nicely, it’s likely that I can find myself a whole host of followers who’ll worship superballs with me. I am free to worship, and to believe whatever I so choose to believe.
I love the idea of a national defense. Now, I’m not trying to pick a fight with any pacifists. In fact, in the past year or two I’ve taken some significant steps toward pacifism myself, but I really like the idea that this country can, when it deems it necessary, choose to exert military force. Yes, I’d argue that we exert military force WAY too much, spend WAY too much on that defense, and there aren’t enough checks and balances on that force; however, I love the fact that there are women and men who love this country enough to pick up and defend the likes of my freedom.
I love the idea of the free media. Any of you with a weak heart might not want to read the next sentence. I love Bill O’Reilly. I hate his show, I hate his ideas, I hate the fact that he calls what he does “journalism”, and I hate his big mouth, but I love the fact that he can say whatever the hell it is he wants to say. He’s allowed his opinion, and I love that.
I love the idea of the free press. I think it’s fan-friggin-tastic that the press can, (mostly) free from governmental pressure report on things that it sees fit. Women and men, boys and girls have given their lives in order that the press could, free from outside pressures report the facts. They don’t do it perfectly, sometimes they spin those facts conservatively, sometimes liberally, but they’re trying. For that I’m grateful.
I love that I am free to tell you what I think. Not only am I free to worship superballs, hate Bill O’Reilly, love the free press, and oppose the war; but I’m also free to tell you about it. I’m free to tell you about it just like Brannon Howse is free to tell you about it, just like Ingrid Schleuter is free to tell you about it, just like Rob Bell, and Brian McLaren, and Kirk Cameron, and the Real Live Preacher, and Greg Horton, and and even good ole’ Jerry Falwell. They’re all free to tell you whatever they like.
You can bet your bottom dollar every last one of these folks (and there’s a pile more that I could’ve listed) are free to tell you whatever they like about the way the world works. I agree with some of them, and with others I disagree.
So, while I’m revelling in the free exchange of opinion, let me offer you one for free. Suggesting that because I don’t believe in your ideals, I should pick up and leave, well, that seems, to me at least, to be a little hypocritical. It feels a little like you’re suggesting that freedom isn’t really all that it’s cracked up to be. It feels a little like you’re trying to create the totalitarian regime the likes of which you profess to despise.
And, yes, as Benjamin suggests, it feels a little like you’re trying to take a big shit on the constitution. (Which, if it weren’t for the whole ‘destruction of public property’, and indecent exposure thing, I’d defend your right to do under the freedom of speech.) And, probably even worse, you’re choosing to shit on the lives that our daughters and sons and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers laid down for the very rights you have to say what you want to say.
I don’t particularly care if you agree with every word I say here, or if you agree with none of them. I’d simply suggest that the next time someone suggests I move to China, you may just be suggesting that we make everything you hate about China happen right here in the United States.
Tags: Freedom Of Speech, Patriotism
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