02.27.06
Posted in faith at 4:28 pm by Brandon
Heavens to Betsy, is it ever a shame that I didn’t happen on this guy’s website sooner. This guy puts that TMI guy to shame (and by the phrase “puts to shame” I mean, “is WAY holier than”.)
On the plus side, though, it would seem that he, too, has a fondness for Christianizing song lyrics. Here’s one that was penned to be sung to the tune of “Smells like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana. (Evidently, Cobain’s anthem about apathy, ambivalence, and consumerism didn’t quite qualify as holy…):
Smells like Holy Spirit
In His Glory, it’s less dangerous
He is risen, exon’rate us
Jesus’s love is so contagious
He is risen, exon’rate us
The Messiah
He’s no liah
Praise Him or face
Eternal Fire
Yeah
Halle-Halle-Halle-lujah
Halle-Halle-Halle-lujah
Halle-Halle-Halle-lujah
Halle-Halle-Halle
I’m inspired, I’ve aflatus
Two thousand years; that’s some hiatus
Evolutionary theorists, come debate us
God’s the Man, He…did create us
We’re His fish - watch Him come bait us
Yeah
Comic genius, buddy, comic genius. If only you meant it to be funny, *sigh*.
Tags: Dumb Things Christians Write
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Posted in faith at 4:28 pm by Brandon
Heavens to Betsy, is it ever a shame that I didn’t happen on this guy’s website sooner. This guy puts that TMI guy to shame (and by the phrase “puts to shame” I mean, “is WAY holier than”.)
On the plus side, though, it would seem that he, too, has a fondness for Christianizing song lyrics. Here’s one that was penned to be sung to the tune of “Smells like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana. (Evidently, Cobain’s anthem about apathy, ambivalence, and consumerism didn’t quite qualify as holy…):
Smells like Holy Spirit
In His Glory, it’s less dangerous
He is risen, exon’rate us
Jesus’s love is so contagious
He is risen, exon’rate us
The Messiah
He’s no liah
Praise Him or face
Eternal Fire
Yeah
Halle-Halle-Halle-lujah
Halle-Halle-Halle-lujah
Halle-Halle-Halle-lujah
Halle-Halle-Halle
I’m inspired, I’ve aflatus
Two thousand years; that’s some hiatus
Evolutionary theorists, come debate us
God’s the Man, He…did create us
We’re His fish - watch Him come bait us
Yeah
Comic genius, buddy, comic genius. If only you meant it to be funny, *sigh*.
Tags: Dumb Things Christians Write
Permalink
Trackback URL »
http://www.badchristian.com/2006/02/27/two-years-too-late/trackback/
timmer k. said,
February 27, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Wow. Don’t know quite where to start with that one. Ya gotta give the guy credit though–rhyming “afflatus” and “hiatus” could just as well be the fodder of a Decemberists song. “Watch Him come bait us….” Right.
Brandon said,
February 27, 2006 at 4:48 pm
I thought sure Benjamin would be the first to comment on the “watch him come bait us” line. Good work, Timmer.
kidpositive said,
February 27, 2006 at 5:27 pm
that’s pretty awesome. i should get him to help me out with my grammar and sentence structuring.
dave said,
February 27, 2006 at 5:34 pm
I liked this one:
and this one:
Hehe…
Unbelievable…
dave said,
February 27, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Wow…so I kept reading, and found this:A
This is the same guy that is on LJ, but he is talking about his dialogs he had with people on a porn discussion board. Wow.
benjamin said,
February 27, 2006 at 6:25 pm
The only reason timmer beat me to it is because he’s a pervert and I’m not.
benjamin said,
February 27, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Actually, I think if Jesus’s General were written by an ex-fundamentalist (and I realize i’m probably using that term incorrectly) instead of someone of a Jewish extraction, this is what you’d get.
steph said,
February 27, 2006 at 7:21 pm
i especially liked this gem:
he may be referring to islamic fundamentalism, …but i think you could easily substitute right-wing evangelical fundamentalism and come to the same conclusion.
steph said,
February 27, 2006 at 7:23 pm
oh, sorry. the quote didn’t copy. try again…
“the fact that the attack on America and her freedoms is a clear and unequivocal example of what that sort of radical fundamentalism produces in the unthinking individuals who so easily fall into the dogma of their backwards culture. Amen.”
Recovering said,
February 27, 2006 at 7:39 pm
I’m with you guys except for you picking on his stance on the versions of the Bible. It’s pretty obvious Jesus read from the “Authorized 1611 KJV” too.
Kitty Booze said,
February 27, 2006 at 7:54 pm
OH MY GAWD
He cannot be real. Just can’t be real. He is like a cartoon version of an American Fundalmentalist Christian.
He even fundamentalized “Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious”!
jeff said,
February 27, 2006 at 9:23 pm
The Messiah
He’s no liah
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!
That’s one helluva rhyme!! I wonder if he does any EMINEM??
Shannon said,
February 27, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Quite honestly, I really think that this isn’t a real person. I strongly suspect that it’s someone with a LJ who thinks its funny to make fun of ultra-conservative Christians and so goes super-over-the-top in their portrayal. There are a lot of people on LJ who do this sort of thing with various groups that are easy to deride. It might be a real person - I’m sure the TMI guy was - but it sounds “too easy to be true.”
timmer k. said,
February 27, 2006 at 9:56 pm
Benjamin, I think we both know that’s only half true.
Ocellated said,
February 28, 2006 at 1:00 am
If you go to his profile, you’ll see he has a link to a website.
http://777.nventure.com/
Sadly, it too appears to be abandoned. But it’s brings more comic relief.
dorsey said,
February 28, 2006 at 9:49 am
Unbelievable.
Check out some of his interactions on the pornographic message forum he visited.
Leighton said,
February 28, 2006 at 11:53 am
Oh, that’s so a parody LJ. Not serious at all. Very funny, too, if you’re in the mood for that kind of satire.
Joe said,
February 28, 2006 at 12:23 pm
Hahahaha if this is real, anyone stupid enough to think Jesus appreciates those lyrics being rewritten about him isn’t going to know what the word “aflatus” means.
I remember when I was growing up I used to think all music outside of christian rock was evil and would make me want to do drugs
I used to have terrible taste, and I was so completely out of touch with culture.
Then I grew out of all of that and my high school best friend bought this “ApologetiX” CD or something… where they rewrote all the lyrics to be about Jesus.
It was so fucking terrible, I wanted to stab him for making me listen to it.
Joe said,
February 28, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Oh yea and no way this is real. His profile picture gives him away instantly. If he wanted me to believe him, he should have some ultra hardcore look on his face so he can be like “yea… christians are TOUGH DUDES”
wildwest said,
February 28, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Brandon, what in hell do you type into google to find all this shit?
Jenny said,
February 28, 2006 at 7:47 pm
I agree with Shannon and Leighton — it’s probably a fake journal. By someone who has invested a lot of time into the effort, based on his LJ stats. Not that I’m judging, fake LJs are generally a very relaxing and creatively engaging hobby.
Kyle said,
February 28, 2006 at 8:40 pm
I love this line:
“I myself have always had my suspicions about actor Morgan Freeman since he went from a playing a chauffeur to a CIA agent to a U.S. President and in his latest film he had the blasphemous audacity to play God Himself and I would just ask if anyone else finds this more than a little suspicious since he is not the greatest actor ever to recite a line of dialogue and furthermore does anyone else wonder if maybe the media is behind this?”
The media is somehow behind the fact that Morgan Freeman is involved in aspects of the media! Call the Fundy Bureau of Investigation immediately!
While I agree that it’s probably fake, in some (likely perverted) way, I wish this guy actually existed…
Shteevie said,
March 1, 2006 at 10:05 am
Just did a bit of research on the guy:
He says his home denomination, Duck River Baptists, split from Elk River Baptists because the latter was teaching false doctrine. Turns out it’s just another Calvinist-Arminian schism, Duck River being Arminian.
Interesting to see he has a picture of a Westboro Baptist Church protest on one of his pages and while he doesn’t come right out and praise the picketing ministry of WBC, I think the implication is there.
WBC, a hyper-Calvinist organization, would, of course, label this guy as irreversibly hellbound and a “lover of Arminian lies.”
Kitty Boo said,
March 2, 2006 at 3:24 am
Soooooo I did a bit of poking around and found an entire lj community dedicated to him, in a negative way of course.
Feel the Hatin’
Helen said,
March 20, 2006 at 1:31 pm
From his e-mail page>:
Either he’s completely deranged or this is a joke. Phew!