09.21.05
hopes, etc. (a confessional)
As a part of the Adult Sunday School class I’m taking our Professor (or teacher, or leader, or whatever,) we’ll just call him Dr. Smith, has asked us to participate in a journaling exercise. He offered us blue books to journal in (he really is a professor). The class is called Desiring the Kingdom: Worship & Culture. I’m not the blue book sort, but I decided that I’d do my best to take part in the exercise. In doing so, I hope you all can get a bit of a flavour about what the class is about. I’m pretty excited about it; it should be a great experience.
Each week we get a different writing prompt. We were given the overarching journaling instructions to “learn to see our world with more critical eyes–to become more attentive to the rituals and practices of our culture.” Additionally, we’re given a more specific topic each week. I think, the hope is that we’ll be able to talk critically about the roles of the weekly topic in the overarching theme of critically evaluating ourselves in the world we live in.
Each week, on Wednesday, I’ll post our weekly topic and my response to it. I would extend an invitation to any of you who’d like to play along with this little escapade to jump right in, the more the merrier, right? Either way, your feedback will provide me with helpful thoughts about my own journey of discipleship and desiring the Kingdom. Okay, so, here’s the first topic:
In the coming week, find some time to reflect on what you hope for. Does your hopeful expectation about the future shape what you do in the present? If so, how? If not, why not? How should our hope shape what we do with our time in the present?
What do I hope for? I think another fair way to ask this question is to ask, in what direction do the desires of my heart point. I think there are probably a number of different ways to answer that question. Concretely, my heart points in the me in the direction of becoming an educator and a researcher. I hope to eventually become a professor so that I may help to shape some of what we know about the process of human communication. I hope to be able to participate in the lives of young people. I hope to help those young people find their own hopes and give them some of the tools to realise their dreams.
More theologically, I like to at least pay lip service to the idea that my hopes point me in the direction of pursuing the Kingdom of God on earth. I say that I pay that notion ‘lip service’ because I’m not always convinced that I’m REALLY pointed in that direction. My habits, as they were presented in the overarching goal of these writings, sometimes belie the fact that I’m probably not AS committed to the idea of the renewal of all of creation as I would like to believe myself to be.
For example, in the process of the dialectic here I think I sometimes am more enchanted by the idea of having my blood pressure shot through the roof, than I am by the idea of participating in a real and honest dialogue. I would imagine that I’m not all that uncommon in this practice. The way I bring things up sometimes can be more combative than transformative. In that sense, I’m not convinced that my hopes of furthering the Kingdom are outweighing my hopes of getting a ‘rise’ out of an argument.
Too, I think my habits of outrage are a tad out of whack. By this I mean that I’m not sure that the things that outrage me are the things that really should be outrageous. For example, I find myself outraged by Ingrid’s Slice of Laodicea, and her discussion (diatribe) about why feminism is ruining families and America, when folks like these probably aren’t doing massive damage to the Kingdom. I happen over there when I need something to write about, when I need to stroke my ego by seeing a post with 30+ comments. All the while, I find myself needing to manufacture outrage about people living on less than a dollar a day.
Perhaps, my hopes aren’t pointed as squarely at the Kingdom as I hope for them to be. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think feminism is an important movement in the furthering of the Kingdom, really, I do. However, I think that it’s possible that I (and I would probably venture ‘we’) focus on these issues for the wrong reasons. I think that issues of equality are essential, but responding in outrage because some folks espouse views that offend MY OWN PERSONAL values is probably where I tend to fall short. Feminism isn’t important because it’s a value important to Brandon. Feminism is important because equality is a value important to our community. And, feminism in Christianity is a value important to our community because equality is a value important to God.
When I respond out of personal offense, I think I miss the point. My hopes (though I like to label them as ‘Kingdom-ward pointing’) are distinctly pointed at myself. In short, I’m one selfish son-of-a-bitch. My individualism is a lens that clouds my view of the Kingdom.
Now, I don’t think that means that I have to give up the entirity of my sense of ’self’ in order to point my hopes, my motives Kingdom-ward. I do think, however, that I need to be a more active participant in the process of critically thinking about my outrage. Asking myself, why am I outraged? Am I upset because of my own personal values?
I think what I’m trying to say is that my personal values and the values of the Kingdom don’t always match up 100 percent of the time. This should surprise no one, but I think it pays for all of us to hold our personal values up to the light. It probably pays to be critical of our outrage before we jump right into the self-gratifying (almost mastubatory) act of frothing at the mouth about it.
The above is hard to confess. I hate falling short, but we all do it. I wish I could say that I could just toss on a set of ‘Kingdom glasses’ and write the truth all the time. Unfortunately, though I try to be a ‘wearer’ of ‘Kingdom glasses’ even with corrective lenses, my vision isn’t 20/20. Oh, heavens, do I ever need the body, the community of Christ.
but I’ve just felt the calling lately to be a person of immense grace. (Not that I’m succeeding at that.)
Wounded Healer said,
September 21, 2005 at 12:53 pm
Great post Brandon. Some of your words (thoughts) echo mine - you just say them better than I can.
I too find myself outraged out of personal ethic instead of Kingdom ethic. Truth be told there was once a time that I did much better at communicating the compassion and heart of God than I do now.
I am on a journey back from a cynical and angry place that I voluntarily went to out of anger for how church people treated me - the wonderful thing is that the journey back is due to my present community and how they love me - and it too is voluntary.
I too NEED the Body of Christ.
WH
Stephen said,
September 21, 2005 at 4:40 pm
Brandon, I have been giving this great thought and here are some conclusions. Maybe I will write more in my blog tommorrow.
1. I’m very jealous of your Sunday School. Everything around me is VERY dumbed down and unchallenging.
2. I really want Real Community. I have been talking to my wife and friends about this alot. I have a hope/dream of someday having a place where people can come and feel welcome and at peace.
Sometimes, this is my dream classroom, where I can create a place for students to begin to practice the “flight” that is critical thought.
Other times, I want to buy a 5-story building which I can turn into a place where my friends and family can live and work.
My wife and I have been talking about what central and fundamental things drive our committment for one another, and one of the things we discovered is that we both long for “family” broadly defined. There is nothing that we enjoy and feel more blessed doing than opening ourselves and our home to people who need love and understanding.
I have struggled with this a lot because many times, when one opens up, we get hurt. People will refuse our hospitality or take offense at an accidental statement or gesture.
Still, I long for Shalom in it multiplicity of meaning.
jvjannotti said,
September 21, 2005 at 7:57 pm
Well said.
There’s a nice vulnerability developing in your posts lately. I’m sure it’s been there all along, but I think you’re “going with it” a little more lately. I like it.
Nicole said,
September 22, 2005 at 2:50 am
Brandon,
I’ve been dealing with the issue of responding to others who raise my blood pressure. Especially your friend there at SOL who thinks one cannot be both psychologist and Christian. Nor can I be a Christian, a psychologist, and a woman, and a mother..at least not without being a heretic in her eyes.
Lately, I’ve found it helpful to think about what I know and experience to be my calling in Christ. And when I think about it, part of my calling is not to changer her whack job ideas. It’s for me to minister to the people that come into my life in the way in which I am able through God’s grace.
Sure, my blood pressure is sky high
but I’ve just felt the calling lately to be a person of immense grace. (Not that I’m succeeding at that.)
Leighton said,
September 22, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Be careful in giving yourself crap over following your ethic rather than the kingdom ethic. There’s the enormous problem of how well people perceive the kingdom ethic (even presupposing there’s such a thing, of which I’m not convinced of); I have relatives who are kind, decent people only because in times of crisis and need they ignore or jettison their vision of what God wants.
Nathalie said,
September 22, 2005 at 6:32 pm
I think I’d be better off not knowing about SOL. There are just so many issues there that I want to “discuss” with her, but have difficulty in doing so without saying things like, “What the hell is wrong with you?” That tends to be a conversation killer. Anyway, it’s always good to come back to your site where things are more in line with how I see the world. Keep it coming.