03.02.05
Posted in education at 2:30 pm by
Kristen over at McCarty Musings posted about parody of NCLB being passed around at the school she works at about the revised March Madness rules in compliance with No Child Left Behind. I liked it a lot and started coming up some of my own rules, it was going to be a comment, but it got so long, I decided to take it over here.
This is being passed around my school district- the teachers love it, because the teachers aren’t thrilled about NCLB. I thought it was pretty funny myself…
1. All teams must advance to the Sweet 16, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.
2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.
3. Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don’t like basketball.
4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th and 11th games.
5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.
This list so inspired me that I decided to add a few rules of my own to the list:
6. Parents will in no way be held responsible for their children’s basketball ability. The child may or may not choose to practice freethrows at home, either way the coach is responsible.
7. Players will in no way be held responsible for their own basketball ability. They may or may not practice their freethrows at home, either way the coach is responsible.
8. If any teams fail to make it to the sweet 16 for three years in a row, all of the coaches and athletic directors for the team will be subject to firing. The team will be placed under the control of the parents (yes, the same parents who were in no way responsible to make sure that their child was practicing their freethrows.)
9. Success will be judged by your teams’ international performance against the selected individuals whom other nations designate as the ‘best basketball players their country has to offer.’ While countries outside the US are able to choose their all-stars, all teams in the US must bring our least talented players up to ‘all-star’ status.
10. Teams must take on and be judged on the basis of ALL performers on said team. This includes any individuals who are immigrants from other countries who are in no way farmiliar with the playbook, the language of the coach, or the nature of the game of basketball . These immigrant players will be expected to perform at or above the status of ‘all-star’ immediately.
11. Insufficient funding is not an excuse for poor performance. All teams will be expected to perform at the aforementioned ‘All Star’ level regardless of school income level. (i.e. teams from the Detroit Public Schools will be expected to perform at the level of teams from Grosse Point Public Schools (even though state funding per stu…oops, player at the Grosse Pointe Public Schools is in the realm of 3 or 4 thousand dollars more per player per year.)
12. All teams will be expected to perform on an equal level–this is the case regardless of whether or not teams are given equal access to uniforms, practice gymnasiums, nice basketball shoes, nutritionial supplements, etc.
13. In the unlikely event that the team makes the Sweet 16 and wins the ensuing championship, all the praise and glory goes to George W. Bush.
14. In the event that a team fails to make the Sweet 16 or fails to win the ensuing championship, George W. Bush will be able to publicly and personally declare the coaches of any of said teams ‘failures’ with no political ramifications.
I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea…Thanks, Kristen, for the post.
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Posted in education at 2:30 pm by
Kristen over at McCarty Musings posted about parody of NCLB being passed around at the school she works at about the revised March Madness rules in compliance with No Child Left Behind. I liked it a lot and started coming up some of my own rules, it was going to be a comment, but it got so long, I decided to take it over here.
This is being passed around my school district- the teachers love it, because the teachers aren’t thrilled about NCLB. I thought it was pretty funny myself…
1. All teams must advance to the Sweet 16, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.
2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.
3. Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don’t like basketball.
4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th and 11th games.
5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.
This list so inspired me that I decided to add a few rules of my own to the list:
6. Parents will in no way be held responsible for their children’s basketball ability. The child may or may not choose to practice freethrows at home, either way the coach is responsible.
7. Players will in no way be held responsible for their own basketball ability. They may or may not practice their freethrows at home, either way the coach is responsible.
8. If any teams fail to make it to the sweet 16 for three years in a row, all of the coaches and athletic directors for the team will be subject to firing. The team will be placed under the control of the parents (yes, the same parents who were in no way responsible to make sure that their child was practicing their freethrows.)
9. Success will be judged by your teams’ international performance against the selected individuals whom other nations designate as the ‘best basketball players their country has to offer.’ While countries outside the US are able to choose their all-stars, all teams in the US must bring our least talented players up to ‘all-star’ status.
10. Teams must take on and be judged on the basis of ALL performers on said team. This includes any individuals who are immigrants from other countries who are in no way farmiliar with the playbook, the language of the coach, or the nature of the game of basketball . These immigrant players will be expected to perform at or above the status of ‘all-star’ immediately.
11. Insufficient funding is not an excuse for poor performance. All teams will be expected to perform at the aforementioned ‘All Star’ level regardless of school income level. (i.e. teams from the Detroit Public Schools will be expected to perform at the level of teams from Grosse Point Public Schools (even though state funding per stu…oops, player at the Grosse Pointe Public Schools is in the realm of 3 or 4 thousand dollars more per player per year.)
12. All teams will be expected to perform on an equal level–this is the case regardless of whether or not teams are given equal access to uniforms, practice gymnasiums, nice basketball shoes, nutritionial supplements, etc.
13. In the unlikely event that the team makes the Sweet 16 and wins the ensuing championship, all the praise and glory goes to George W. Bush.
14. In the event that a team fails to make the Sweet 16 or fails to win the ensuing championship, George W. Bush will be able to publicly and personally declare the coaches of any of said teams ‘failures’ with no political ramifications.
I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea…Thanks, Kristen, for the post.
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zalm said,
March 2, 2005 at 5:22 pm
and sadly for my alma mater but less so for state education…
15. Virginia is doing all it can to eliminate itself from participation.
Kristen said,
March 2, 2005 at 6:43 pm
LOVE the ones you came up with as well! I may have to send yours around in an email to my teachers- I know they would love it!
Toni Coral said,
March 5, 2005 at 7:38 pm
As a teacher at a “failing” school, I really enjoyed the spoof. I just wish that the real deal wasn’t ruining public education and making my life hell.
C. Chavez said,
October 1, 2005 at 7:41 pm
What I like, and don’t…
One favorable aspect of “No Child Left Behind,” is teacher accountability. Every teacher I’ve met agrees they should be able to show how each student has improved as a result of spending an academic year with them.
However, I’d like to coin a saying I recently overhead, “You don’t fatten a pig by weighing it.” Teachers should not have to use all their time paying attention to statistics, rather than to their students.
…I am afraid we are reinforcing mediocrity like no other time in our history.
Please see more and comment displayed URL. Thank you!
C. Chavez said,
October 1, 2005 at 7:43 pm
…make that by “clicking” on the name.
Thank you!